Simon Mayo’s confessions

Simon Mayo has a radio show that you can write to with your confessions. He’ll read your letter out and then he and his team will decide if you are forgiven or not. There are some great stories, and it’s interesting to hear the team deciding whether to condemn the “sinners”. Have a listen. Would you forgive them? These are extracts from a radio show, so feel free to skip the bits at the beginning if they are not relevant to the story.

Confessions on Scala Radio

1. The New Car (From 1:15)

Synopsis: Jezza’s Boss had a new car. It was his pride and joy. The team went on a residential course together. One evening they went to Burford to go on a pub crawl. The Boss “Len” took his lovely new car. Driving back, Jezza Was sick all over the dashboard. He offered to pay to get it professionally cleaned. His boss had it cleaned and it seemed ok. One day, Len used the air blowers in his car and “particles” flew into the car. Len couldn’t clean it out of the ventilation system and had to sell the car.

2. The Jeans (From 1:03)

Synopsis: Emma liked REALLY tight jeans. One day she went to go an buy a new pair and was trying them on. She tried them on in the fitting room while the shop assistant gave her new ones to try on and took away the ones that didn’t fit. Without realizing it, Emma lost a pair of knickers in one of the pairs of jeans she had tried on and given back to the shop assistant. The shop assistant had put the jeans back on the shelf. They closed the shop to look for her underpants but they never found them. Someone must have bought a pair of jeans with her knickers in.

Do you forgive?

3. Chutney (1:15)

Synopsis: Louis loved Chutney. He ate it every day. His wife used to make Chutney from the pears from her father’s favorite tree. The tree fell down at about the same time as her father died and the family decided to make one last special batch of chutney together to remember him by. Louis was left at home to stir the Chutney while the others went for a walk. He was hungry and wanted to cook something so he decided to move the big pan and put it outside for a little while so there was space on the cooker. He heard the family returning and quickly put the Chutney back on the cooker. Finding two massive Slugs on top of the Chutney, he quickly put them in his pocket and stirred in the slime. He never told anyone. They made 24 jars of Chutney in memory of his father-in-law that we divided up amongst the whole family. He told his family he had gone off Chutney and hasn’t eaten it since.

Do you forgive him?

4. The cat flap kid (1:23)

Synopsis: Emma was pregnant with her 4th Child. Her toddler was at home with her in a new house. She took George for a walk and they  had a lovely time. When they got back, she realized she had locked herself out. Her car keys were also in the house and she had to pick up her other son soon, so she was frantic. She sent her son through the cat flap telling him to get the keys. He changed his mind but she pushed him through.  He got in, passed them to her and got a lolly. When she told her sister, she was horrified.

Do you forgive her?

5. The Play (1:12)

Synopsis: There was a performance of Pinocchio by a GCSE drama group. The plan was that when Pinocchio changes from a puppet to a boy there would be a smoke bomb going off for dramatic effect. When it started, the play seemed to be going ok but there was a lot of giggling backstage. The smoke bomb was accidently set off early and the kids had made it far too big. The whole room was filled with smoke and the audience rushed out. The boy who was playing Geppetto said “Oh what a foggy morning”.

Do you forgive them?

The Window (1:52)

Synopsis: Dan was 14 and his friend Will was very forgetful. One weekend, they went to hang out at Wills house. Will had forgotton his key, again. Dan noticed that the bathroom window on the first floor was open, so he used a bin to climb up the wall and onto a low roof to squeeze through the window. This way, both boys managed to get into the house. As Will was always forgetting his keys, afterwards he would often come into the house this way. One day will climbed in to get his keys and then both boys went to the Fish and Chip Shop. When they came back the police were there. The neighbor had seen them climbing in and called the police, who were searching the house for clues. Will confessed and took all the blame. Wills Mum went nuts. He had to apologize to the neighbor and was grounded. Dan feels bad that it was his idea to get into the house through the window.

Do you forgive him?

Radio 2 confessions 

DIY Debacle (1:09)

They had recently moved into a new house. They had a 2-year-old and she was pregnant. One afternoon they took the kids to a DIY Megastore. Dougal was potty training. Dougal used the toilet in the megastore. It was a display toilet… Soon it would be discovered. They ran away.

Do you forgive them?

Exploding brie (7:13)

He was a fighter pilot. Once there was a party in an aircraft hangar in France. People drank a lot. His navigator produced a box of bangers. They put a banger into a fish on the nearby table. It blew up. They started blowing all the fish up. When they began to run out of fish, he put one in a brie and threw it into the air. It exploded and everyone was covered in cheese.

Do you forgive them?

Brian’s Film (14:15)

Brian was in a cinema club a long time ago, where they used to show old films. The films came in sections (reels) of 20 minutes that the projectionist would tape together. One day the film seemed strange. The plot veered out in a strange direction and nothing made sense.  Brian’s film club colleague pulled him out of the film to talk to him. Somebody had mixed up the reels. They were from the same film but in the wrong order. “Should they stop the film?” No one was complaining but they looked puzzled. The two film club members decided to leave it as it was. They showed the same film in the wrong order the next day too.

Do you forgive them?

The Windmills (21:14)

Grandpa took his five-year-old grandson on Holiday to the seaside. The boy loved to look at the windmills out at sea. One day when they went for a walk to the beach the windmills were hidden by fog. Grandpa told his grandson that he knew why, but only because he was a top-secret member of the Sheffield coastguard. He said that the windmills went underwater, so that the boats wouldn’t knock into them at night. The next morning the boy told his Mum what his grandfather had said about the windmills, and said that it was top secret. She believed him! She asked Grandpa and he jokingly said he hoped he wouldn’t get into trouble. Just then, by coincidence, the coastguard arrived outside. The boy and his mum immediately hid under the table. Grandpa went out, pretended to talk to the coastguards and then came back in to tell them that he was in trouble but he thought it would be OK.

The same boy is now 11 and wrote an essay for school about renewable energy. He asked his grandfather if he could write what he had told him about the windmills. He and his mother still believe that they go under the sea at night!

Do you forgive him?

I Hope you had fun with these stories! There are loads more. Have a look on youtube.

Take care


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